


The Great Loose Goose Fiasco

by stonefreeak



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21933457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonefreeak/pseuds/stonefreeak
Summary: There's a goose loose in the ship and Anakin needs to catch it before they take off.And before Obi-Wan finds out.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 435
Collections: Chill Winter Exchange 2019





	The Great Loose Goose Fiasco

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draconicsockpuppet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconicsockpuppet/gifts).



When Anakin first catches sight of the damn bird, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

It’s… a goose.

It’s a goose and it’s somehow in the middle of his landing bay. He and his men have _somehow_ let native wildlife of the current planet get onto the ship. It has just walked past them.

All of them.

And Anakin didn't notice until just now, when the bird is closer to the inside of the ship than Anakin is.

If Obi-Wan hears about this, he’ll be _so_ disappointed and Anakin just won’t hear the end of it. He _needs_ to catch this goose and get it out of the ship before they take off and head into orbit. There’s no time to lose.

It’s just a goose. How hard can it be?

  


* * *

  


Turns out that it can, indeed, be very hard. The goose doesn’t want to play along at all and it’s already bitten Anakin twice. Both his hand and once in the back of his knee before it ran off honking loudly and flapping its wings.

He’d strangle the damn thing if he could, but he’s pretty sure both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would be horrified with him, so he better not. Besides, he doesn’t actually want to harm it. It’s just an animal, even if it _did_ bite him in the knee.

Stupid goose.

He’s still trying to stealthily deal with the goose—he doesn’t want anyone to see him run after a goose, he’s a _Jedi_ for kriff’s sake, he should be able to handle one single goose on his own—when disaster strikes.

Or rather, when the _goose_ strikes. He catches up to it—it’s somehow managed to find its way through the damn air shafts so Anakin keeps having to use the Force to try and track it through the ship but it’s definitely easier said than done—but not before it bites Rex in the knee.

“Argh!” Rex’s leg buckles and he goes down hard, more likely due to surprise than actual pain. Goose bites sting, but they don’t really _hurt_ like that.

“What the—?” Rex’s head swivels towards the goose and yep, he’s seen it. Anakin’s too late. Fuck.

“You okay, Rex?” Time to play dumb and pretend that he _hasn’t_ been chasing this damn goose all over the ship. Plausible deniability. Maybe he can blame the whole thing on Rex if Obi-Wan finds out.

“What’s a goose doing here?” Rex gets back to his feet and moves over to the goose. Just as he reaches out towards it, it flaps its wings, honks loudly, and immediately turns tail and runs back into the ventilation shaft it came from.

How the heck is it doing that, anyway? Those shacks are supposed to be _locked_ , but they’re somehow not goose-proof? How the heck is that goose getting around? Is it opening the locked air shacks? Somehow?

“Well, Captain…” Anakin tamps down on a smile, he needs to play this right and keep his face straight if he wants Rex to fall for it. “Looks like you’ve found a goose on the ship. Best get on catching it.”

The look Rex gives him in return is extremely unimpressed and Anakin almost feels offended by the sight of it.

“With all due respect General… I did notice that you were chasing that goose in here.”

Ah.

Well, crud.

He sighs. “Fine. Just help me catch it before Obi-Wan hears about it, will you?”

"Yes, Sir!" Rex gives him a small salute and a smile.

Well, at least the goose won't be able to escape the two of them. After all, Anakin's a Jedi and Rex is a really good soldier. No way will the goose get away any longer.

  


* * *

  


"So... What's the deal with the goose, Master?" Ahsoka has never been exactly in awe of Anakin, and he knows it, but he also doesn't think she's ever sounded less impressed with him.

Stupid goose.

Of course it would continue its mad rampage across the ship, pulling out cables, tripping people, stealing food, and biting knees and ankles and all of it without Anakin or Rex getting even close to capturing it. He has no idea how this is even possible.

It's just a goose!

"I don't actually know," he says with a pained grunt.

"What do you mean you don't know? It's a goose loose on the ship... How did it get here?" She crosses her arms over her chest and cocks her hip out. As she starts to tap her foot against the floor, Anakin is very much reminded of Obi-Wan. He's not quite sure what he feels about his Padawan taking after his Master. Surely that's against the rules or something.

Feels like it should be at the very least.

Anakin shrugs. "I found it when it was already on the ship... I've been trying to get a hold of it since to get it out of the way and back out on the planet before Obi-Wan finds out."

Ahsoka laughs. "And I guess you got Rex to help you?"

The soldier in question shrugs. "It snuck up on me and bit me in the knee... I don't want Cody to hear about how I failed to notice a _goose_ and General Skywalker has been blackmailing me about it."

"Hey! You were helping before that!" Anakin feels insulted. He'd only made that threat after Rex decided that maybe he'd had enough humiliation losing to a goose and was planning to leave it all to Anakin.

"Whatever," Ahsoka says and rolls her eyes. "I _guess_ I can help you both out. But you'll owe me!"

Anakin groans. He's not sure what she'll ask for in return, but he doesn't like the sound of that at all.

  


* * *

  


Anakin is _pretty sure_ that Ahsoka's regretting every promising to help out now. The goose has gotten away from them _again_ , but not before ensuring Ahsoka hit her head and fell on her butt in the process.

Not that Anakin has done much better, the goose has bit him three more times. At least Ahsoka's managed to dodge, though that was when she hit her head to perhaps dodging wasn't a good thing after all.

"Where is it now? How is it even getting away from us?" Ahsoka's voice is filled with frustration, and the Force around her is swirling with it.

Anakin lets himself lie face down on the floor for just a bit. Just a bit.

"I don't know, Commander," Rex says. "I don't understand. It's a _goose_."

It makes no logical sense what so ever, but somehow this goose is better than a clone captain and two Jedi... together. If Anakin thought he'd be embarrassed if Obi-Wan found out he'd let a goose get on the ship, that's nothing against the utter humiliation he's feeling now.

"It bit me in the knee!" Frustration swirls around her again. "I swear it was in front of me and then all of a sudden it bit me in the knee! How is that even possible? Geese can't be Force sensitive... can they?"

She looks at Anakin then as if he should know the answer to that. Why _would_ he know the answer to that? It's a goose! Why would... How...

"I don't know!" Anakin says. "I don't... Why would I know that? It's not like a goose should be able to... Do much... even _if_ it was Force sensitive... How. No, really Ahsoka. I have no idea."

Rex snorts loudly.

"Well, it's certainly _something_." He shakes his head. "But considering I just got a message on my comm saying that we're about an hour from take-off... We really need to get that goose caught already. Preferably before Cody asks me where I've been and what I've been doing."

Anakin wheezes loudly and thumps his head against the floor just lightly.

"Fine. Did anyone see where that damn goose went?"

'HONK!'

Anakin flinches at the loud noise. Looking up, he sees the goose standing there, right in front of them, flapping its wings and honking its little heart out.

"Get over here!" he yells and struggles to his feet.

The goose immediately turns on its heels and dashes off towards the ventilation shacks again.

"No no no nononono!" Anakin yells as he rushes after it, Ahsoka and Rex at his heels.

'HONK!'

With one last loud honk, one that echoes, the goose disappears into the shacks just barely escaping Anakin's grasp again.

" _Sith spit!_ " he snarls and slumps down.

"Not again!" Ahsoka groans, her head falling to Anakin's back. Rex, meanwhile, just sighs loudly.

They're silent for a while, until...

"Wait... These ducts..." His face pales. "They connect to the bridge, don't they? If the goose got in on _this_ side..."

"It can reach the bridge. Where Obi-Wan and Commander Cody is..." Anakin finishes, dread bubbling in his stomach.

_Blasted goose!_

"We need to catch it before it gets there! We can't risk it!" Ahsoka gets down on all fours and starts to rush off into the ventilation system, her head tilted to the side, looking for all the world as if she was trying to locate the goose in the shacks.

Well, actually, considering the functionality of her montrals... Maybe she can if she's in there.

"We'll try to keep up with you from the outside!" Anakin shouts. "Try to herd it out before it can reach the bridge!"

"I'll get it, Master! I promise!"

No time to lose.

  


* * *

  


It gets away from them, because of course it does. Before long, Anakin and Rex find themselves just outside the bridge, the goose not having left the shacks at all the entire way.

"The best thing we can do now is probably to try and distract the people on the bridge to give Ahsoka a chance to catch the goose without them noticing."

Rex snorts. "Not sure how we'll manage that, but I suppose it's just about our best bet at this point, General."

Maybe they should have been a bit more proactive about trying to catch it, it probably managed to get a fair bit on the way before Ahsoka started crawling after it...

"Here we go!"

The doors slide open to reveal...

Anakin stares.

"What the—!" Rex cuts his exclamation off.

A loud banging from his right causes Anakin to temporarily take his eyes off the sight in front of him just in time to find Ahsoka crawling out of the ventilation shack, muttering a stream of no-doubt-curses under her breath.

As soon as she looks forward, however, she freezes in place and her eyes get huge.

Anakin turns his own gaze back at the scene in front of him.

Sitting there, drinking a cup of tea at a small table, is Obi-Wan.

Sitting on a chair opposite of him, munching on what looks like a few cookies, wearing a red bow around its neck, and flapping its wings... is the goose.

"Oh, hello there," Obi-Wan says with a calm smile. "Have you met our little friend? He popped in through the ventilation shacks before. Very well behaved."

A loud coughing noise erupts from somewhere over in the corner, and Anakin can spot Cody over there.

"I... A goose..." Anakin says faintly. Maybe he can... pretend he had no idea there was a goose on the loose and that he hasn't been chasing it for the last... however long it's been. "And... Where did it get the bow?"

Ahsoka gets to her feet and brushes herself off. "Yeah... that's very odd!" she says as if she didn't just come out of the ventilation shack.

The look Obi-Wan gives them makes it very clear to Anakin that he's not buying it _at all_. He literally does not believe a word out of their mouths, or rather, their nonchalant appearances.

 _He knows_.

"Well, I put the bow on this goose, of course." He laughs a bit. "The goose has been so well behaved and it seemed to appreciate the the ribbon, so we've been enjoying a cup of tea together. I'm sure that the goose will be ready to go back home as soon as we've finished our tea."

"Haha, of course it will..." Anakin slumps a bit and looks at Rex and Ahsoka, they look just about as put out that he does.

Stupid goose.


End file.
